Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People

For all of us forced to deal with an infuriating, mean, critical person, seasoned counselor Nina Brown has a word of warning. You must accept that your usual coping strategies are not effective, and will not be effective, with this person, she advises. You cannot expect them to react and behave as adults. So what's a victim to do? Start with the suggestions in this book. In Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People, Brown explains why many people, who may not display all of the characteristics necessary for a formal, full-blown narcissist diagnosis, still display what she calls a destructive narcissistic pattern that results in much the same anguish for those with whom the individual interacts. Thankfully, she also provides specific methods that will help victims of this behavior deal with the narcissistic colleague, supervisor or boss, parent, or intimate other. Only the extremely lucky among us have never faced or felt the effects of narcissistic behaviors and attitudes, displayed by colleagues, bosses, friends, parents, or lovers. These individuals may boast and brag constantly, take credit for other people's work, expect favors but return few or none, never listen (but always know all the answers), be sure of what is right and best regardless of the topic. They devalue others, micromanage, are hypercritical and mistrustful. Other characteristics of this harmful personality include an inflated sense of importance, although achievements are exaggerated and actual outcomes don't support feelings of superiority. They are exploitative, without empathy, and believe they are envied by all. Brown's excellent advice will help you cope.

NINA W. BROWN is a Professor and Eminent Scholar in the Educational Leadership and Counseling Department at Old Dominion University.