I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both
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- ISBN 9781914391446
- Dimensions: 129 x 198mm
- Publication Date: 13 Feb 2025
- Publisher: Influx Press
- Publication City/Country: GB
- Product Form: Paperback
- Language: English
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Meet Khaki Oliver, a woman perennially trying to disappear: into a codependent friendship; an ill-advised boyfriend; the punk scene; or simply, the ether. These days, it's a meaningless job and an empty apartment.
Then, after a decade of estrangement, she receives a letter from her former best friend - Fiona's throwing a party for her newly adopted daughter and wants Khaki to join the celebration.
Khaki is equal parts terrified and tempted to reconnect. Their platonic love was confusing, all-consuming, and encouraged their worst impulses. While stalling her RSVP, Khaki starts crafting the perfect mixtape-revisiting memories of formative shows, failed romances, and the ups and downs of desire and denial-while weighing the risks and rewards of saying yes to Fiona again.
One song at a time, from 1980s hardcore to 2010s emo, the shared and separate contours of each woman's mind come into focus. Will listening to the same old songs on repeat doom Khaki to a lonely life of arrested development? Or will hindsight help her regain her sense of self and pave a healthy path for the future?
Set in the suburbs of Los Angeles and New York City I Love You So Much It's Killing Us Both is a Black woman's coming-of-age story, chronicling a life-changing friendship, the interplay between music fandom and identity, and the slipperiness of sanity.
