Rewriting the Rules

We live in a time of uncertainty about relationships. We search for The One but remain single because nobody measures up. We long for a happily-ever-after but breakup after breakup leave us bruised and confused. We yearn for connection, but our attempts to get it disconnect us more than ever.

Rewriting the Rules: A Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships is a friendly companion through the complicated – often contradictory – advice that’s given about sex and gender, monogamy and conflict, break-up and commitment. It asks questions about the rules of love: Which should we choose from all those on offer? Do we stick to the old rules we learnt growing up, or do we try something new and risk being out on our own? And what about the times when the rules we love by seem to make things worse, rather than better?

This new edition considers how the rules are being ‘rewritten’ in various ways: in monogamous, monogamish and polyamorous relationships, through different ways of understanding sex and gender, and via new ideas for managing commitment and breakup when economics, communities, or child-care make complete separation impossible. The book empowers you to find an approach that best fits your situation, concluding with a reflection on how we might collectively rewrite our rules of relating during times of collective crisis.

Dr. Meg-John Barker is a writer and illustrator with a background in social psychology, sex and relationship therapy, and queer activism and Buddhist mindfulness. They’ve published a number of graphic guides and self-help style books on the themes of sex, gender, relationships and mental health, as well as free books and zines on topics such as trauma, consent and plurality. Website: rewriting-the-rules.com.