Diddly Squat: Home to Roost
English
By (author): Jeremy Clarkson
It's been another memorable year on Diddly Squat Farm - will the chickens finally come home to roost?
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Welcome back to Clarksons Farm.
So, that went well . . .
The spring barley crop failed.
Just like the oil seed rape.
And the durum wheat.
Then the oats turned the colour of a hearing aid and the mushrooms went mouldy.
Farming sheep, pigs and cows was hardly more lucrative. Jeremy would be better off trying to breed ostriches.
But in the face of uncooperative weather, the relentless realities of the agricultural economy, bureaucracy, a truculent local planning department and the worlds persistent refusal to recognise his ingenuity and genius, our heros not beaten yet. Not while the farm shops still doing a roaring trade in candles that smell like his knacker hammock, he isnt.
On the face of it, the challenges of making a success of Diddly Squat are enough to have you weeping into your (Hawkstone) beer, but misery loves company and in girlfriend Lisa, Farm Manager Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald his Head of Security Jeremy knows hes got the best. And its hard for a chap to feel too gloomy about things when theres a JCB telehandler, a crop-spraying hovercraft and a digger in the barn.
Because as a wise man* once said, theres no man alive who wouldnt have fun with a digger . . .
*Jeremy