The White Man''s Guide to White Male Writers of the Western Canon

How do you use taraddidle in a sentence? Is it possible to make a Gin Ricky thats also a metaphor for the American Dream?  How can you tell your Faulkner from your Franzen if you havent actually read either?

Allow me, the @GuyInYourMFA, to expound on the most important (aka white male) writers of western literature. Youve probably seen me around, observing the masses, or defying the wind by hand-rolling a cigarette outside a local, fair-trade coffeeshop. Ive actually read Infinite Jest 9 1/2 times. Care to discuss?

From Shakespeare's greatest mystery (how could a working-class man without access to an MFA program be so prolific?) to the true meaning of Kafkaesque (you know you've made it when you have an adjective named for you), the pages herewith are at once profound and practical. Use my ingenious Venn diagram to test your knowledge of which JonathanFranzen, Lethem, or Safran Foerhates Twitter and lives in Brooklyn. (Trick question: all 3!) Sneer at chick-lit and drink Mojitos like Hemingway (not like middle-aged divorcées!).

So instead of politely nodding along next time you make an acquaintance at a housewarming party in Brooklyn, you can roll up your sleeves and get to work schooling them in character arcs and the experimental form of your next great American novel. Dazzle your friends with how well you understand post-modernism. Youll be at a literary event asking a question thats really more of a comment in no time.